Sometimes I wonder how different my life could’ve been if I didn’t look like what I look like right now. Probably, life would be a bit easier. Without all those fake people, crowding around you, pretending to be a friend or someone who looks up to you. Without all those monsters who pretend to be the knight in shining armor or prince charming or even Mr. Real you have been waiting for, pretending to fall for you and then leave you hanging without any warning. Without all those judgmental eyes who don’t let even your tiniest actions pass just so they could criticize you.
I hate being put up in a pedestal. I dislike being thought of as someone who is very hard to reach, as someone who is almost perfect, as someone who’s life maybe so fun to live. I just don’t get it why people assume too much, that they know me when in fact they don’t. They think of me as this and that, and they put me so high that they don’t even want to try and know me better. I don’t like the way people distance themselves from me because of all their assumptions that to just even try and talk to me is like trying to shoot the moon. Lame excuses.
There are times when sometimes, I wish I was someone else. That I looked different from the way I look like right now. That I was seen differently by others. There are times when I wonder how different it could have been. Maybe, how easier it could be for me to let myself be known to them without any apprehensions at all. Without them assuming that I can never be their friend, and that I am hard to reach.
I don’t like the idea of being branded as a “dream girl”, “ideal girl”, “Ms. Perfect” or anything else of that sort. It’s like people are telling you that you are perfect when in fact, you know deep inside you that you are not. It’s like confining you to a very secluded box and that you cannot commit any mistake or else they will talk about you behind their back. It’s like telling you that you are their standard. Then they don’t even try to reach out to you because for them you are more than universe apart from them. You know, it sucks sometimes. Beauty does not ensure happiness all the time. And more than that, it does not ensure you of immunity from all the pain the world has to offer.