When I was a child up until my 1st or 2nd year in highschool, when asked “If you had one wish that could be granted, what would it be and why?” I opted to answer, to have unlimited wishes, so I could wish anytime. But if that answer was not allowed, I’d answer “I wish I could turn back time.”
Young as I was, I knew how important time was. Not technically, as in being always punctual whenever there’s an event or something of that sort. But just that, I understood what it was. I lost two of my grandparents when I was a child and back then, I can’t help but ask why people had to die, or why they had to say goodbye, they haven’t even seen me graduate in elementary yet. But I was so naive back then, thinking that I could stop whatever sickness they had, or that I was powerful enough to not make their death inevitable. I was so silly.
Since then, I had this idea of seizing the moment, of not letting any opportunity pass by, of just taking hold of whatever comes my way. And yes, my friends, young as I was, I thought in a different way the way kids in my age bracket usually thought. My parents even said that I was a bit mature for my age. I wanted to do a lot of things, make a lot of memories, while there was still time. I didn’t want to regret not doing this, or not being able to do that. I wanted to do things at any spur-of-the-moment feeling. I wanted to do things my way. Then I met Jesus. I was still that naive child who wanted to do a lot of things but the I-want-it-my-way slowly began to vanish. Or so I thought.
I got a little off track and thought that I was doing His will, but I wasn’t and that I was being so selfish taking only into consideration what my heart felt. But the heart is full of deceit and all evil springs from it. And I thank Him for making me realize that I should renew my commitment to Him and be sorry for the wrong decisions I’ve done for the past years.
Asked now, if I would wish for the same thing again, I think not. I wouldn’t even wish at all. I would pray, Pray for His will, pray for His guidance, pray for whatever He has in store for me.
There’s no sense in wishing to turn back time, because it has passed. And would I have lived a life differently had I not done this or that? How would things be if I had? And yet again, I am full of what ifs. Had I taken more time to feel more, see more, hear more, am I still the same Rej right now? Had I not let the moments pass without taking someone for granted, or not having myself depend my happiness to things that are not permanent, would I be happier right now? Had I guarded my heart too much, or put up all those walls around me, will I ever be the same? What about those times I lost, if I gain it, would I feel better? I do regret, sometimes, no, slash that, most of the time. But I stop the moment I realize that floundering myself in rue wouldn’t help at all. For everything, there is a reason. And I believe that my life wouldn’t be the way it is now, had I not done and not done those things before. I will not be stronger than ever, had those problems, trials and obstacles not come my way. I will not be who I am if it weren’t for the lessons in life that I have acquired through my right and wrong choices. But most of all, I would not be here today, typing this lengthy blog post, if God has not sustained me.
I know I am only 19 years old, and that there is still more to happen in the years to come. But as early as now, I am slowly letting myself comprehend that regret is not just a feeling. It’s a choice you make when you look back. And that regret steams from discontentment with the way life went for you. And that discontment in the past may later lead on to unpleasant things in the present and unavoidable consequences in the future.
Just be thankful of who you are right now, what you’ve become, what you’ve been through, and what you have right now. Always keep Ecclesiastes 3:1 in mind.
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”