I’d like to say I’m quite an affable person. I like meeting new people and hearing their stories. I love walking through different walks of life in my mind when I listen to what others have experienced. I love gaining new friends and being with the old.
But I have a confession to make: I have trouble keeping friends.
To not include that in this post for everyone to read is like nurturing my own little hypocrisy. But I have yet to be bold about it as thoughts about the friendships I’ve lost keep on resurfacing every now and then, especially the past weeks. I remember people who I used to be really close to. People who I was with everyday a few years back. People who were there when I needed them, even when I didn’t. People who exerted so much effort in trying to deal with my insanity. People who knew the real me and accepted me for who I really was. Then I started going back to where it all went wrong until it actually ended.
I won’t go naming my “lost friends” and start writing lengthy apologies for each on how sorry I am for not keeping in touch, nor would I start pointing out to them how they were at fault for not saving our friendship. You see, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from those lost friendships, it would be finally admitting to myself that even if I wasn’t to blame, I still was at fault. For what? For losing the initiative to ask how they were doing, for not sending them a personal message asking if they were okay when they posted a sentimental status or tweet, for not being there when they needed me, for taking them for granted. It was crystal clear. I know, college overwhelmed me, distance may have been a hindrance, a lot of factors may have sprung up, but all those things will never change the fact that I lacked initiative.
So if you have friends you feel are slowly fading away, and you don’t want to lose them, keep in touch. Communicate. Set a time for catching up. Let them feel they are missed. Talk to them at any time of the day (just don’t be so clingy). Because the pain of having a lost friendship without actually knowing why is extreme and you would never want that.
Today, I decide to move on from all those lost friendships. I’m leaving them behind, but I’m not closing my doors for any possible reunion with them in the near future. I pray for them to have successful careers and be the best they have dreamed to be. As of this moment, I am focused on keeping the ones I have and not losing another one. I’ve loved and lost a number already, I don’t want to lose some more.